Fear

 

I’ve been thinking a lot about fear lately.

That’s a broad topic- I’m afraid of a million things.

More specifically, how I let fear run my life. I do and don’t do things because I’m afraid, and it drives me insane and that makes me afraid also. I call it spiraling- being afraid of one big thing, then thinking of two smaller things to be afraid of, then four smaller and eight smaller and ten smaller things to be afraid of. Afraid of failing so I don’t try. Afraid of having to talk to an old acquaintance so I don’t go. Afraid of talking to a new acquaintance so I don’t go. Afraid of [insert literally anything here] so I just don’t.

With the future quickly becoming the present and the present quickly becoming the past, I’ve realized that I’m wasting time (the thought of that scares me also). I’m making plans for university and travel and my future and it scares me but I’m also excited but mostly scared. But there’s not enough time to be scared. I can’t keep talking myself out of things and making excuses. I can’t let fear run my life.

 

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