I’m striving to be authentic. I’ve never been a “typical teenager”, and I’ve never wanted to be, but society has a way of making you think you need to be a certain way. You need to like certain things, or at least pretend you do. I made a list of things that are normal for stereotypical teenagers, and realized that we all want to conform to this list. But I soon realized that none of the things on that list were in fact me. So why on earth would I want that?
Instead, I made a list of things that are me. I realized a lot of things about myself that I hadn’t previously noted. For instance, I realized that my personal taste is a strange mix between a writer from the 40s and a 90s grunge lover. I realized that I love collecting and reading poetry, and writing a bit of my own. I realized I want a small sunny apartment in a big city where no one knows me, or an old farm house in a town of 500 where everybody knows me. I realized that I want to observe and make art. I realized that I have a lot of idiosyncrasies. I realized that I just want to express myself, to be an individual, to be my own person.
I guess I just want to be myself, to be authentic. And I want to figure out who that is, without society’s pressures to be something I know I’m not.